Surviving the Holidays… and Maybe Even Thriving

Nothing hits quite as hard—when you’re a parenting person—as the last three months of the year. October, November, December: a season packed with major holidays, school breaks, family gatherings, and nonstop expectations. Every month seems to bring another wave of activities wrapped in ribbons, bows, and “shoulds.” The to-do list doubles (sometimes triples), while the support systems… often don’t.

If you’re feeling the weight of it, you’re not imagining things. The holiday season can stir up joy and excitement, but also exhaustion, pressure, overstimulation, financial strain, emotional landmines, and the impossible desire to make everything “magical” for everyone around you. Parenting in this season can feel like performing in a holiday parade you didn’t audition for—juggling schedules, managing sugar highs, meeting expectations from extended family, all while trying to keep your own mental health intact.

 First is to give yourself the permission to name your reality. Amongst all the joy and celebration, is the reality that it is overstimulating, the financial burden is often unfair, families can be hard to navigate and the lack of sun is deeply impactful. When someone asks who you are, it's ok to share the hard parts too. We are all full human beings and the bravery to be our whole selves is a benefit to us and those around us. There is room for all of it. Toxic positivity is not going to save us but these tips for coping can help us survive and some days even thrive. We have compiled strategies anchored in evidence-based therapeutic skills (like CBT, DBT, grounding, and self-compassion) that may be helpful antidotes to the holiday scaries. 

1. Set “Good Enough” Expectations

The pressure to create holiday magic can be intense. A CBT-informed tool is to challenge the unhelpful thought that everything must be perfect.

Try replacing:

❌ “I have to do it all or I’m failing.” with ✔️ “Doing what matters most is enough.”

Maybe the cookies are store-bought. Maybe the decorations will stay in the box this year. Maybe you limit events to one per weekend. This is not lowering the bar—it’s choosing sanity. Magic can be made with simplicity, in the home and the best feeling is feeling grounded and cozy with the ones we love. 

2. Implement Micro-Routines, rituals and treats for Stability and self-care

We know all too well that you can not pour from an empty cup, and taking care of yourself as a caregiver can be the first thing to go in the midst of seasonal chaos. 

• Affirmations, Affirmations, Affirmations: Corny but effective- You are powerful, You are magical, You deserve rest, You are enough.

• A nightly wind-down ritual- Hot shower, cold shower, face mask, bedtime chocolate, trashy show after the kids fall asleep, cozy socks. Make your nighttime feel like rest.

• A moment of fresh air at the same time every day: No matter how cold, can you take a moment to and smell the air, feel winter sun on your face (when its out)

  
  

3. Use the “Bare Minimum List”

Instead of focusing on everything you could do, identify the 3–5 things that are truly essential. These are the non-negotiables for functioning and family wellbeing.

Everything else becomes optional. The act of simply making the list: on paper, in your notes app can help manage the burden of mental load. 

4. Practice Emotional Check-Ins (For You and Your Kids)

The combination of overstimulation, excitement, and disrupted routine means big emotions are guaranteed.

Try:

• Open the conversation: Take a moment at mealtime, in the car or before bed to facilitate a moment of reflection. You can use check-in prompts like; Rose, Bud, Thorn ( Something that happened that made them feel great, Something they are looking forward to tomorrow and something that happened that was hard) or High, Low, Buffalo ( A high from the day, A low from the day and something random they want to share) to get an understanding of how they are experiencing the season, and a chance to share how you are feeling. 

• Name the feelings that show up for yourself and your kids. 

• Offering a regulating tool (breathing, a break, movement, grounding)

Children borrow our nervous systems—when we co-regulate, we model healthy coping, you may be surprised how grounding it can feel to tap-in and review the day. 

5. Plan Recovery Time After Social Events

This is a classic DBT skill: anticipate your emotional energy and build in buffers.

If you know a big family gathering will be draining, schedule:

• A quiet morning afterward

• A frozen meal for dinner

• A movie afternoon

• A “no plans” day following travel

Holidays are a marathon, not a sprint—recovery is part of the plan.

6. Have a Communication Strategy for Family Expectations

Boundary-setting is a therapeutic skill, not a personality trait. Decide in advance what you will say, such as:

• “We can only stay for two hours.”

• “We’re keeping gifts simple this year.”

• “We’re focusing on slow mornings, so we’ll arrive later.”

• “We need to skip this event, but we appreciate the invitation.”

Boundaries preserve relationships by preserving your emotional capacity. When in doubt keep it simple, and be sure to check out these boundary setting tools.

7. Create “Parenting Person Pause Moments”

These are intentionally tiny breaks to reset your nervous system:

• A cup of something warm

• A song that calms or energizes you

• 10 deep breaths in the bathroom

• A slow stretch

• A quick walk

• A two-minute grounding exercise

Small pauses prevent big burnout.

8. Make Space for Your Own Feelings

Holiday seasons often stir personal grief, unmet expectations, childhood memories, or loneliness—even while parenting.

Try journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or simply acknowledging:

“This is a lot. And it makes sense that it feels like a lot.”

Self-compassion is a therapeutic tool. Give yourself the same gentleness you extend to your kids and those around you.

9. Celebrate Small Wins

You don’t have to create unforgettable memories. You just have to show up in ways that feel sustainable. 

Small wins count:

• A moment of laughter

• A meal eaten together

• A meltdown handled with patience

• A boundary kept

• A quiet moment to yourself

You’re building a holiday season that’s real, not performative.

Fa-La-La-

If you are parenting through the final three months of the year, you deserve acknowledgment—not just for what you do, but for how deeply you care. The holidays ask a lot from you, and you’re allowed to meet those demands with boundaries, creativity, and compassion.

Surviving the holidays is an achievement. Thriving—even in small moments—is a gift.

You’re doing enough. You are enough. And you deserve peace woven into the edges of this season.